Comments on our November meeting topics are welcome. Other comments are welcome too!
1) Getting “stuck” – is it a part or a memory or something else?
2) Spiritual Issues
3) Creative and constructive ways to help parts get what they need
4) Selective Amnesia
5) Having to be patient for something you really want
6) Not recognizing the discomfort of something until change happens or is possible
7) Fear of anger (we discussed both getting angry and experiencing others’ anger)
8.) How do you express intense emotions constructively?
These two articles spoke to me! They don’t have a ton to do with any particular topic above – but they are good. One is about how “normal” DID people can be – and how much work that takes:
http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2010/11/passing-as-normal-with-dissociative-identity-disorder/
The other – well I like the 3rd “ugly truth of DID” – kind of a “I’m tired of apologizing for being the way I am”. Ya – I definitely am tired of hiding and feeling bad for being who I am:
http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2010/11/3-ugly-truths-about-dissociative-identity-disorder/
Interesting.
My thought with the truths about DID was that, actually, whether or not someone is multiple, those things are going to happen. It’s possible that I just spend a ton of time with people who are undiagnosed multiples, but it’s a large enough proportion of the people I know that either multiplicity is way more common than thought, or it’s just something where we multiples feel embarrassed and ashamed of things that, really, most people do.
Or it’s a combination of both of those things. I just know that people I know who aren’t multiple do a lot of these same things, to a lesser degree.
Speaking of not recognizing how uncomfortable something is until the problem gets corrected, I had a kind of challenging experience today. I was feeling physically crummy, but we needed to get some shopping done, and so I went anyways. We (meaning collective-me and W, too) were at Trader Joe’s, and I decided to try out using the motorized cart thing they have. I suppose Trader Joe’s was a good place to test that out, because it turned out they do it on the honor system, so you just go and hop into it. I had to fight a lot with myself (and my *selves*) to be willing to use it. I felt guilty and ashamed for needing it, but I decided to try it anyway, because I knew if I didn’t, we couldn’t do as much grocery shopping, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything when we got home except crash. Anyhow. I made it through shopping, and we did the whole store, instead of just grabbing stuff for a few seconds.
I suppose none of this has anything to do with being multiple, except that I’m feeling really cheated that healing my emotional wounds just made it more obvious that the physical stuff that’s wrong with me isn’t psychosomatic. And the down side of dissociating less is that I find it harder and harder to just ignore how my body is feeling.
Oh, but the discomfort thing: the amazing part of it was how much difference being in the motor cart made. I probably won’t use it except on days when I absolutely have to, because it’s way less convenient. But when I need to shop when exhausted, it made it less horrible. And I realized that a lot of why I probably get freaked out from crowds isn’t actually the crowd, so much as that I’m exhausted and having trouble keeping my balance. Or so I assume, since I didn’t have trouble with the crowds after I used the cart, even though it was actually harder to get around.
I suppose one thing I’m noticing is that a lot of stuff that I had assumed was psychological is turning out to have physical causes. Even things like anxiety in crowds.