Comment on the topic of: “Others wanting you to stay sick”. “Others” could include those internal or external. Do you have anyone in your life who seems to want you to stay “sick”, maybe consciously or unconsciously?
New Landscape ~ DID/MPD Support Group
New York support group for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) / Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)
well, there’s the family dynamics thing, and also with close friends. it’s not precisely that they want me to stay sick, but more that they resist me making changes (you know, like setting boundaries, or not being involved in the messed-up relationship patterns, or taking care of my own needs). i think that’s pretty typical of dysfunctional families.
but there’s also parts inside who seemed to be resisting me getting better. looking back, i think it was actually a different thing than it seemed at the time. when they were doing it, it felt like they were resisting being better, but now it seems more like they wanted to have a different *kind* of better. see, one of the things in my system was there were parts who knew all of the “right” things to say and do to be healthy. and from the outside it looked like i was healthy. but on the inside, there were parts who hadn’t gotten the chance to actually heal, and they did what they could to stop the other parts from having a surface “healthy” thing going on, so that we could be healthy from the inside out.
the problem is, that meant not doing the “right” things all the time, and not always giving the “right” answers. like, if someone suggests a way to stop having anxiety, but it isn’t working, instead of pretending it is and you’re ok, those parts would say it wasn’t working, which meant it looked like they were making us sicker or stay sick. i dunno, i’m not making this too clear, am i? ’cause it was also stuff like not doing things like daily meetings. and there were parts who thought that was a way of staying sick, but really, it was just blocking them from being able to pretend things were ok when they weren’t.
i guess what i mean is, sometimes what seems like someone inside wanting me to stay sick was actually someone inside pointing out that we *were* sick, and making sure we let that show until we could get better.