Do or did your parts protect you? Talk about anything related to parts and protection.
New Landscape ~ DID/MPD Support Group
New York support group for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) / Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)
Do or did your parts protect you? Talk about anything related to parts and protection.
Well – if the things that my aliens say, really did happen to my body – to me – and I have no normal memory of it, then I’d say that’s incredibly amazing. What better way to protect someone, if there is no physical way out, than to have them not remember? It means I live every day as if I hadn’t been hurt. It means I am probably better off than someone who went through terrible stuff, and who DOES remember!
If some awful things happened, and are stored in walled off areas of my brain – stored in these “aliens” I never knew I had – then wow – did they ever do a great job of protecting me. How amazing to consider that the God I believe in, must have created such a mechanism, so that I might survive.
That being said – DID is certainly no easy task to wade through, once you know this is what’s going on! But truly, to deal with the possibilities of abuse as an adult – is far better than if I’d had to consider it at 2 or 4 years old….
well,
I know of a part who two nights ago decided through some convoluted thinking that the best way to protect us is to kill us because the world sucks. I’m not sure how that relates to protection in order to stay alive.
Aww – I’m sorry dust. I hope you try to keep hangin’ in there. Barely hanging on is about all I can do sometimes too. I bet suicidal parts ARE trying to protect us from pain somehow….. even if it’s not the best way to do it……. this DID crap is SO hard sometimes. It really does feel unbearable sometimes.
i know that the suicidal parts in my system are mostly looking for some way to end intolerable pain. it’s like they’re a safety net: they are going to make sure i never have to live through another totally intolerable experience. kinda the same with the ones who want to run away.
it takes a lot of convincing to get them to hold on a little longer.
Sometimes suicidal parts don’t realize that if they kill themselves, they kill the body. They think that killing themselves is a way to save “the others” from the pain that comes from their existence. Not realizing that their existence serves to protect the others from the pain that they feel.
Knowing this makes me feel bad for the part of me that wishes to die.
i’m not sure where my suicidal parts stand, on the whole “kill themselves, kill everyone” thing. it’s been hard to get them to understand that not all of us are in the constant, intolerable pain they feel. that we do sometimes feel happy. because they tend not to experience that, so they see us as just faking, and they certainly don’t like being forced to fake being ok, and they assume that the rest of us are just better at faking, rather than actually feeling better.
but they’ve gradually started to find times when they, themselves, are less suicidal. and really, just knowing that they can feel less bad seems to help, give them enough hope to keep trying. it’s hard, though.