Talk about thoughts related to “reparenting” yourself or your alters, or thoughts/feelings related to dealing with internal or external kids.
New Landscape ~ DID/MPD Support Group
New York support group for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) / Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)
I seem to be a much better parent for external beings, than for internal ones. I do not have my own kids (external), but I work with kids a lot – and I seem to do a pretty good job with them, from what I can tell anyway! I have a feeling that having internal ‘kids’ has helped me in relating to external kids actually.
Basically, I’m working on it – being a better parent internally. Someone else in my system seems to have that role though – of internal parent. Good thing because I barely have time for the external world.
one reason why we don’t want to be a parent for ourselves is that is triggering. like, that is what i had to do growing up. be a parent for myself and for a bunch of other kids too, and also do the things that a parent does with the other parent.
its really triggering to do that stuff it makes me feel like im right back then and have all those bad feelings. i guess with other people doing something to take care of yourself doesnt make you feel bad and i know the adults inside think i should just make myself like taking care of myself but i dont want to take care of myself if no one wants to take care of me then that means im not worth taking care of.
but lately w has been doing some stuff to take care of me even when im not mature and responsible and stuff. i guess that actually makes me feel good but she and the grown up parts made a bunch of rules about things and its kind of a pain to have rules to follow and also i dont exactly believe the rules are for real so i dont always follow them and then i get in trouble but not always cause w doesnt always remember about them. one really good thing about w is i know she will be safe the worst thing she has ever done is one time she said she wished i would just go away. i dont know why i have a hard time trusting her cause we have been together for almost 7 years but mostly people in my life get tired of me way before that and dont have anything to do with me or they ignore me or get abusive or something. i dont know why w hasnt gotten there and i keep expecting she will.
i know the adult parts dont like it that we arent just taking care of ourself and not asking anyone else for help. they would be happiest if we never asked for anything and just took care of ourself and of other people and all of that. but w doesnt seem to mind doing some stuff that is probably reparenting and it means that i get to feel like maybe i am worth someone making some effort even when i am difficult. it makes me feel better when someone else will take some time.