What is it like when your alters talk/communicate in therapy? Is it difficult for them or you? Describe that/those experiences.
New Landscape ~ DID/MPD Support Group
New York support group for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) / Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)
Depends. Sometimes it’s hard for me to hear them and know they are out. Sometimes I fight the shift a lot – and basically only prolong the pain of shifting. Sometimes I don’t care, and I shift away fast.
Some of them can talk pretty easily. Some of them can’t seem to talk at all. Some of them seem to want to talk and connect, but really really struggle to say much.
Sometimes I can take the time to write stuff down and remember what happened in session. Sometimes I just can’t do it very well. Sometimes I basically know. Sometimes – I sorta don’t. Mostly, I seem to have vague recollections in the least. And again, if I work at it, can eventually remember what happened.
Stuff often comes back to me later or the next day, or in the next week. Flashes of this, images of that, hearing words an alien said, or hearing words my counselor said. It often seems to come back in bits and pieces later.
I think I’m finally getting over the shame component with my counselor. I’m less ashamed of my shifts, so it doesn’t bother me as much. It’s only taken 3+ years with him for me to get there…. !
what’s weird about different parts in therapy is that recently, it seems like no part knows ahead of time who’s going to be the one who shows up in therapy. whatever plans i, or others, might have before walking in, it seems like there’s some totally other logic to who actually is there to talk.
although i guess some of it is internal debate about who actually needs to be in there, since this past week, one of the little kids was just wanting to go in and chat, rather than one of the parts who’s been having more problems lately.
another weird thing is how we don’t always remember what was talked about.
my shame is less about switching, and way *more* about the way that different parts seem to keep having the same difficulties. well that, and that if parts are speaking for themselves, then i as a whole can seem really inconsistent. and it’s like, i (ellis) will be insisting that i want one thing, and then someone else will pop up, either in the same session, or later, and throw fits because they want something totally different.
it makes me feel like i’m not making any progress, and that it must be frustrating to work with me. but i guess that if i really do have other parts, it makes sense that this would happen (just now realized that cleo must be close, since i, ellis, believe there are different parts).
it also feels really irresponsible that we can’t do the “right” things, like there are parts who either don’t know or won’t acknowledge who they are, and parts who won’t have system meetings, or even do basic stuff like eating every day. and i hate not being responsible. (and i’m hearing someone saying “oh yeah? well *I* hate *being* responsible!!”)
i don’t think there was really ever a time when i *didn’t* switch, frequently, so it’s something where being in therapy for DID just meant “oh, so *that’s* what’s happening” and i don’t know that there was shame about shifting, in itself. the shame is in allowing the different opinions to be obvious. well, that, and allowing parts to admit when something in therapy isn’t really helping, even though we know it’s the thing that is supposed to help.