How do you handle internal anxiety? Especially if you feel like you’re always in ‘fight or flight’ mode?
New Landscape ~ DID/MPD Support Group
New York support group for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) / Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)
i’ve found it most useful to start by figuring out where the anxiety is coming from. because depending on the source, my response needs to be different.
like, sometimes anxiety is coming from a different part. and no matter what i do to calm *myself*, the anxiety will persist until the part who is feeling anxious is able to be calmed. so working on separating ourselves and kind of… containing ourselves? is a help in that situation.
or sometimes the anxiety will come when old memories get triggered, and then the response is a combination of working through the memory and grounding in the present.
or sometimes it will be a signal that someone objects to what’s going on (not necessarily because of a trigger), and isn’t feeling like they are being listened to when they try to tell in other ways.
or lots of other reasons. and spending a bit of time working through what the trigger is becomes immensely helpful for us.
one thing i have REALLY been working on is allowing myself to stop doing something if it is causing anxiety. because i am used to just pushing through with anxiety, and doing something in spite of the fact that i can be having a low-grade to full-blown panic attack *while* doing it. and there isn’t much in my life that is so urgent that i need to tolerate that. if the chores don’t get done, so be it. if i have to pull the car over to the side of the road, fine. if i have to get off the train and pay a second time, that is also ok. i need to allow myself to stop when something is painful. oddly, it’s made more things possible, when i tell myself as i begin that i can stop as soon as i need to. weird, huh?
I’ve experienced what you say – where I’ve told myself that if I can’t get through something then so be it. If I need to leave or get away because I’m starting to struggle, then that’s how it goes. And then once I give myself all the room in the world to do or be whatever I need to do or be, it sometimes happens that everyone/everything gets all calm – like now that they have been ‘seen’ and acknowledged and given an ‘out’ – they don’t need it so bad!
On the other hand – this has also served as an invitation for anything to happen!
In some ways, it doesn’t matter – because I couldn’t seem to control anything anyway. Overall, me being more relaxed about “whatever happens, happens” – has lead to less stress for ME though. Whether I’ve fallen into a panic attack or not – at least I’ve learned how to become calm in the middle of it! I know it will pass. I really can be there on the floor going through all kinds of – something – yet feel like I’m way back there going ‘it’s ok – I’m just hangin’ here’…. You all come on out and do whatever you gotta do. BTW, my therapists over time have not thought that I had panic attacks – they’ve felt pretty sure the ‘attacks’ are always alters. Actually, ya – I remember one time, after an ‘attack’ – going “hey!! I think THAT was actually a REAL panic attack!! So that’s what they feel like!” So I guess most of my ‘attacks’ are my people – which means they’ve been needing me to listen more – and I have been.
most of the panic attacks our system deals with do come from parts other than me. but there are some parts who exist in a constant state of panic, so when they are out, or near… well, it’s full-blown panic attack. and when someone *not* having a panic attack is still at the front, it’s more like having the physical sensations of a panic attack without the emotional side.
but allowing them to happen actually makes them less intense. it’s the weirdest thing, because i always figured that trying to calm things down was better. but when they get to have the panic attack, it’s like “ok, that was bad, but now it’s actually *over*.”